Open Letter to MySpace

[athene]

Dear MySpace,

Thank you for coming up with ways in which I can connect with people that I have lost touch with. However, I am offended at your assumption that I changed my name when I got married. I did not. In fact, my husband took my last name. Do you have a way for him to add in his former name in a way that is not going to be listed as "Maiden" name, because he was not a maiden? Former name would be more gender neutral and open to people who may have changed their name for reasons other than getting married.

Sincerely,
Athene

Comments

[athene.livejournal.com]

We were lucky because MA is one of the few states where it's as easy for the male to change his name as it is for the female to change hers.

[muninwing.livejournal.com]

the percentage of people who even hyphenate, never mind do something else nontraditional, is so low (outside of certain areas, especially) that it might just not be much of a consideration for them. my family just automatically assumed that my wife would take my name, and they thought of it as a symbolic welcoming of her into the family.

inconvenient, yes. definitely a thought-provoker as a resource for people who have changed their names. but i doubt any special consideration will be seen as necessary, or any offense at lack of such heeded, when it is your choice to do something unlike the vast majority of the country.

even people who legally change their names are a vast minority -- statistically, people who claim that their name is something they decided upon and took for "very personal reasons" (pauncy, flighty, or "cool" sounding) far outnumber the people who actually go through legal channels to do so... and for someone to take things as seriously as to go through the legal process, or to desire an identity different from their old one (including trans, victims of abuse reinventing themselves, and a number of other serious reasons to change records), often they might not want a connection to their "former" name.

in short, yeah it's convenient. and i'm betting other people have complained before you. but anything used by the mass public needs to be tailored to the mass public, without a ton of extra options that might just confuse them without an explanation... though that same explanation is also probably not wanted. in other words, it's easier to deal with a ton of people ignorant than one in a great while offended at the normative (since they're probably already used to it).

isn't modern america grand?

[42itous.livejournal.com]

Wow, really? That's sad.

I mean, I changed my name when I got married, but it's because the new one is easier for many people to understand (if not spell). And it sounds the same as L.I.W.'s -- she was my husband's seventh cousin four times removed. But I see that as just as controversial a choice as deciding not to change one's name, or to hyphenate, or some other choice. It seems to me that any with-it company (online or otherwise) should, in this day and age, not assume that anyone is doing or not doing anything with their name.

When I changed my name, my bank wouldn't change the name on my account. Never mind that I had in my hand a marriage certificate, a Social Security card, and a new driver's license. So I closed that account and moved my money to a different bank. Heh.

[parathalyn.livejournal.com]

Seconded!

[procris.livejournal.com]

I've surprised several married couples by leading with a "and Ms...?" after learning the husband's name. I learned in college it was never safe to assume that A. she took his name, B. they were legally wed, or C. their names had anything in common at all.

Hell, there's a good chance it would ruin my career if I were to marry and change my name after I started publishing in Academia. It's hard enough to get people to cite you when you've got *one* name.

Although, since I've got one of the Most Common Names on the Planet, it might be nice to be somewhat more unusual...

[mtgordon.livejournal.com]

I never expected my wife to take my name when we married, especially knowing how she continued to publish under her original name during her first marriage, when she had theoretically taken her first husband's name. Academic publication was definitely an issue in her case.

She does have a rather uncommon last name, though given that she went into roughly the same field as her father, some confusion does occur. Her name is unfortunately also quite long -- twelve letters -- and includes a phoneme not typically found in English. We pretty much never put down her name for dinner reservations.

[stormteller.livejournal.com]

Part of me thinks this is just the price of sharing personal information with a machine. What business does it have knowing who you're married to.
Not that you need my opinion on this, but I've always felt that married couples should portmanteau their names together (so, say, Mr. Smith and Ms. Brown would become Mr. and Mrs. "Smown" or "Brith"- or maybe "Broth"?), though of course some of the potential results can be quite strange. I'd love to see what'd happen after a few generations of this, though.

[wandelrust.livejournal.com]

Dear Freakish Hippy,

CONFORM!

Love,
Myspace

You Rock

[sylvanstargazer.livejournal.com]

I love you :-)

If we were ever to share a last name it would be something short and easy to spell. Thus both our names are right out.