The last name debate

[athene]

Ah...the last name debate. As aerith and I are being typically libra and seeing all sides of this issue, I thought I would open it up to everyone and see what people think before we have our own conversation (we have to have it figured out by this weekend).

So please please please, answer my poll!!

[Poll #447733]

btw, if you are married/have been married and either you, your spouse, or both changed your last name, please leave a comment saying why you made the decision y'all did (especially if you hyphenated)

Comments

[kjpepper.livejournal.com]

oops I accidentally voted as sundart. Stupid not logging off. ;)

Anyway I picked hyphenation for you guys simply cause wow, King-Leary? not only is that wicked funny if you're a Shakespeare nerd, it just sounds really damn cool.

I really have no position on the whole last name debate, it's really a case by case thing, and depends on the individuals involved. I mean, I'm toying with the idea of Carole and I contracting both our last names into one when we do the whole marriage thing, but she likes hyphenation better. So... yeah, there's no one solution. Go with whatever feels right for you guys.

[athene.livejournal.com]

hmmm...Keary...Kieary...Leing....Leaking? i'm not sure if those work.

[kjpepper.livejournal.com]

oh, and in addition, one more thing - the only thing I'm sort of against is dropping your middle name. Especially if you like it. I mean, there's really no reason to do that - you can have a middle name and a maiden name and a married name all at once, so I see no reason to drop it.

[athene.livejournal.com]

I don't really like my middle name, but i was planning on keeping it anyway.

[pyramus.livejournal.com]

For me, I intended to take my partner's last name, assuming I was to get married and my partner agreed with this. I just like the idea of ending the male dominated basis for naming. Still, I have to admit that hyphenating would give the two of you an awesome last name, so I voted for that, despite normally avoiding them.

[chrisvenus]

I voted for his name purely because I hate the hyphenation thing (king-leary would be funny for a bit but I don't think you really want to choose a name based on a pun). I'd be inclined to do the male name purely for tradition but taking the female surname is not far behind really. Certainly both of them are far ahead of hyphenation which is itself just ahead of "making up some random name".

[liszard.livejournal.com]

although it's not what i chose, i also think it would be cool of you to come up with a completely new name...
depending on what it would be of course...
that way you could have a last name that reflected both of your personalities and characters...something that means "athene and lordaerith"...together as one, not just added together.

[bellebet.livejournal.com]

Tom said in no way shape or form did he want to force his last name on me. But I wanted to share it with him, and I changed my name. Since my maiden name was cool, I have considered it using it on a professional level, but I'm still undecided about that.

[wandelrust.livejournal.com]

My ex-wife took my last name. That proved to be a problem for her, as by the time we separated, she'd published papers and made contacts with her new name, meaning she'd lose some recognition if she switched it back, though she did anyways.

[darktouch.livejournal.com]

I didn't vote because I don't like the options.

1. I am married. Alyson didn't change her name but she uses my last name. Offcially she is Alyson Shaw but her voice mail says Alyson Olander.

2. I think what you choose to do in terms of names is strictly a question of what sort of legacy/attachment you have to your last names. I actually don't know how strongly you feel in that regards. Personally, I am the 3rd person in my family to have my first and last name (different middle names).. that is something I'm proud of and something I won't give up.

*grins* Being Libras whatever answer you come up with just won't be good enough anyway. Fricken critical gits ;-)

[athene.livejournal.com]

re 2: Neither of us feel an overwehlming attachment/hatred of our last names. thus it makes things harder.

[darktouch.livejournal.com]

If I didn't have the attachement to my Father's name.. there is a good chance I would have gone with my grandfather's name since my mother was an only child and his line ended with him. Maybe I'm just weird when it comes to the whole legacy thing though.

[alysonwonderlan.livejournal.com]

Seems my husband already got to the explanation part. I intend on changing my last name, I'm just lazy. Plus it took me a little while to get my head around having a different name, you know? I mean, I've had this name for 27 years now - that's a hard habit to break.

We didn't hyphenate because "Shaw-Olander"? Sucks. "King-Leary", on the other hand? Mightily rockin'.

[verbena76.livejournal.com]

I'd just keep your last names as they are.

[starrfade.livejournal.com]

I have to say that you both seem attached to your last names, and while it would be tempting to say go with Leary-King (for the worse pun), King-Leary is a very nice last name.

My mother went hyphenated while my father didn't, since her family name is a "Family Name" here... it also was another way to keep her cultural heritage, which is something to keep in mind.

*notes that first name is hyphenated, and therefore might be biased*

[pyramus.livejournal.com]

Your family did it the way I dislike the most. Do you know how hard it is to keep records of families that don't all have the same name? *Pokes.* Oh, well. I still like your family anyway.

[catling42.livejournal.com]

Agh, I have no advice. This is one of those things I've always debated with myself.

[athanata.livejournal.com]

i'm traditional, but King Leary? isn't that inviting all sorts of Shakespeare jokes? and Leary King doesn't sound like a monarch i'd like to have either...and sounds kinda like 'Larry King'...LIVE! :-P

[athene.livejournal.com]

Yeah, i've been told if we hyphanate and name our daughter cordelia, it's child abuse.

[athanata.livejournal.com]

heh. yup - that's what i was gonna say...
or Regan or Goneril

but naming your child Goneril is ground for child abuse anyways... :-P

[athene.livejournal.com]

i was thinking if we had triplet daughters we could use those names as middle names :)

[reme.livejournal.com]

If i were you, I would use both last names, but I would not hyphenate. I think using a lot of names is neat.

[athene.livejournal.com]

so be "athene" "middlename" King Leary and he would be "aerith" Leary. and then just use Mr and Ms. Leary? That's probably what we would do if I took his name

[artemis42]

I'll throw in a vote for keeping your own last names.
My mother hyphenated her name, and it's cool, but the companies they do business with always screw it up. She's gotten some pretty interesting names on credit cards and the like over the years.

[raven-lenore.livejournal.com]

i'd say use what you suggested in reply to mereunit. however, i really can't resist king-leary. and you are too much of a shakespeare fan to pass that up!!

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

For years, my plan has been to pick a new last name when i get married -- emblematic of the new life you're creating together, and also avoiding the selection/hyphenation dilemma. So that was my vote. And given your last names, i think either hyphenation option contains far too much bad punnage.

[tonycrowley.livejournal.com]

I say go with King-Leary just for the shear coolness of it. Although, I would consider any problems such a name might cause for any children you might want. Kids can be cruel.

[muninwing.livejournal.com]

i honestly have said since the proposal that the hyphenated would be cool -- especially since you are a lit-geek like me. and bad puns? duh. why else do it?

i also think whatever you decide (as in, whatever you're comfortable with and wish to keep) will do you well if it is what you want. there are problems with all paths -- everything from getting papers and information changed, to confusion about children's names. so many options, it really depends on what you are comfortable with and if you want to use this to make a statement or just to be yourself.

[safirerings.livejournal.com]

i REALLY like king-leary

And I must agree w/ matt that it's better to all have the same name, especially since you're going to have wee ones.

[godspiel.livejournal.com]

Even without the Shakespeare connection, King-Leary sounds cool. Leary-King sounds good to. A lot of hyphenated names sound like ass, but since both of your surnames are short, they work.

You could also each keep your last names, and take the other's as an added middle name.

Making something up is probably a bad idea. I found an anagram generator, and "Leaky Grin" was on the list.

[aralia-17.livejournal.com]

I read everyone's comments and my suggestion is that you both take both names, but don't hyphenate. So, you would be "athene (middle name) king leary" and he would be "aerith king leary." Hyphenation seems like a cop-out in a way, or at best a short term fix (apologies to hyphenated people!), because what happens if two hyphenated-last-name people get married? and after 5 times of this? Sheesh.

As a random aside, in Iceland, they still do it the old way: the father's first name plus "son" or "daughter (dottir)." My Grandmother's maiden name was Thorstedsdottir, since her father's name was Thorsted. If we had been named in the icelandic tradition, my brother's last name would be Kristinnsson and mine would be Kristinnsdottir. Geneology must be a real bitch there--but i guess in a country of a quarter million people, you pretty much know everyone anyways.

[carolatina.livejournal.com]

First, hi! We had a couple classes together back at Smith. I'm still in touch with kjpepper, which is how I've found my way to your LJ. Congrats, by the way! :-)

On the last name thing, I wanted to comment with an idea I heard about from a couple I know. Back a couple generations in each of their families, they had a same last name (something Irish-sounding and not that unusual). They were thinking of both using that name...it was from both families' history, but would be a new name for each of them and would be an interesting way to start their own part of the family. I think this is also a good idea for a couple that might want to both have a new name but don't know where to get one from. If it's from one person's family, and the other is willing to change their own either way, it could be a great option. I like it better than making a brand new one out of half of each last name, or other such creative ideas. Just another idea I thought I'd share. Good luck!