Nov. 14th, 2001

dream

Nov. 14th, 2001 03:10 pm
athene: (Default)
my dream last night:
I walked into this building and there was a short hallway with some of the members of my Greek class standing there (I guess we had a meeting or something). Then I was lying on a couch (I think I had jumped over the back of it) and DV leaned down and kissed me on the lips. He told me that he got my e-mail and it was ok.

Then we (the whole class) were outside and everyone else had formed into two teams. I wasn't on a team yet, but DV pulled my hand so that I was on his team. Then we started throwing things (maybe leaves) at each other in some sort of fun throwing stuff war. I took off my blue backless birks at some point. All of a sudden I looked at my watch and knew that Hamp-girl was waiting for me to head back to Smith. So I ran down the hill (but it wasn't the normal Amherst hill, it was much longer and steeper). Halfway there I realized that i had left my shoes at the top of the hill, but it was starting to rain and i was already late.

She was waiting for me at the bottom of the hill and I got in her car and we left to get Aerith. But then I told her that I had to get my shoes. She offered to wait for me, but I yelled at her to pick up Aerith and come back for me because we were already really really late and I knew that he would be angry. So I jumped out of the car (which was stopped at a stop light) and I had to run up TONS of stairs in the rain. But my shoes were there and I got them and put them on and then went back down the hill where Hamp-girl and Aerith were waiting for me. I don't think they were mad at me, but I kept apologising to Hamp-girl for yelling at her, even though she said it was ok and she wasn't mad at me.
athene: (goth)
Well, at least my falling in love with DV has let me realize just how deeply I love Aerith. He is so wonderful.

So, back to the DV issue. why? why oh why does it hurt so much? I haven't felt this way in so long! I e-mailed him yesterday explaining that i was in a poly relationship. He wrote back saying that he didn't want to break up my monogomus relationship. gggrrrrrrrrr. but he's christian and he doesn't understand. but he is so cute and he loves me too. and we'll catch each other's eye in class and just smile at each other. it hurts so much. i want to be with him so dearly. we stood for a little while today just holding each other. my head fits so nicely on his shoulder. i want to hold him, i want to hug him, i want to kiss him. more so than with anyone else, after Aerith (of course).

we will be having a long talk tommorow. i'm scared. we have a lot of stuff to tell each other. WHY CAN'T HE UNDERSTAND? I guess it has something to do with his looking too much to the future. I guess I'm not exactly the kind of girl he can bring home to his minister daddy. it's SO Rikk and Alisin (from FAANS!). *L*

my heart hurts. The only thing that lessens the hurt is remembering my love for Aerith. I love him so much. I don't know what i would do without him. He is so strong in so many ways. Knowing there is at least one person in this world who loves me and whom I love and that we can share this love and understand each other so well is what will bring me through this. I know it.

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