home, or the place where i live
Mar. 10th, 2003 07:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
atheneYay for daylight. I got home today before it was even dark.
Home...it's interesting but I still think of my mother's house in New Orleans as "home". I was thinking about this at the Cave when I lay down alone on Munin's bed for a while and really looked at his room: the bed, the walls, the shelves. Then I started thinking about my home, my apartment and how sometimes it still doesn't feel like mine. This is not against Aerith in any sort of way, but sometimes I still feel that it is "his" place. I mean, i've had all my stuff here for over nine months and been on the lease for 6 months. I have my own dresser, alter, and night table in the bedroom. My own bookshelf and desk in the study. I bought the dishes and a lot of the pans. And yet somehow it's not MINE. It doesn't have my mark. Maybe because I still think of the bed as Aerith's. Maybe because the tv/vcr/stereo is his. Maybe because the apartment was his 2 years before it was mine. I want to put stuff on the walls. To claim the space as belonging to me. To feel fully moved in. But I don't yet. And the posters aren't going to go up until we paint the walls if we decide to stay here another year, or we'd just have to take them down if we decide to move. But still. I want a place that i feel is mine...no, i want a place that i feel is OURS together (all 3 of us). That we all share, that no one "visits", that has everyone's mark in it. A place that's a home
Home...it's interesting but I still think of my mother's house in New Orleans as "home". I was thinking about this at the Cave when I lay down alone on Munin's bed for a while and really looked at his room: the bed, the walls, the shelves. Then I started thinking about my home, my apartment and how sometimes it still doesn't feel like mine. This is not against Aerith in any sort of way, but sometimes I still feel that it is "his" place. I mean, i've had all my stuff here for over nine months and been on the lease for 6 months. I have my own dresser, alter, and night table in the bedroom. My own bookshelf and desk in the study. I bought the dishes and a lot of the pans. And yet somehow it's not MINE. It doesn't have my mark. Maybe because I still think of the bed as Aerith's. Maybe because the tv/vcr/stereo is his. Maybe because the apartment was his 2 years before it was mine. I want to put stuff on the walls. To claim the space as belonging to me. To feel fully moved in. But I don't yet. And the posters aren't going to go up until we paint the walls if we decide to stay here another year, or we'd just have to take them down if we decide to move. But still. I want a place that i feel is mine...no, i want a place that i feel is OURS together (all 3 of us). That we all share, that no one "visits", that has everyone's mark in it. A place that's a home
